My life experiences, in short

So far in my half-semester at community college, I have learned a few things that will help me survive the remaining portion. Besides being rediculously easy, and overwhelmingly run by people who are clearly not natives of this country, I haven’t been turned away from this scene yet. Quite the contrary, I enjoy it. Not so much that I want to spend the rest of my college career there, but just enough so that I can finish this semester and hopefully go to a less diverse, english-speaking college. Anyways, here are a few things that I have learned that may help you survive your own journey into the world of community college.

First, DO take the time to observe the people around you.  No, I’m not saying interact with them, but merely be aware of your surroundings. Just the other day I witnessed an asian female with red hair. Now I know for a fact that NO asians are born with red hair, unless they have a genetic follicle-related problem. If you are one of these people with such issues, pay no attention. This sight made me take a quick second glance, and left me in silence, pondering the issues going on within this certain female’s head that made her make the decision to change her hair color. If you are a natural blonde and want a nice shade of brown on your head, go for it. Caucasians have the priveledge of being born with a random hair color. So if you are a natural blonde and want that shade of brown on top of that face, then by all means, go for it. No one will say a word, nor care, nor be able to tell a difference, unless you decide to have hideous roots in your natural color. This doesn’t only apply to blondes. If a brunette wants a shade of amber, fine. If a redhead wants some blonde in their life, and have the inability to get a boyfriend because of their hair color, then all the power to you. But if you are asian, please do everyone a favor and do not draw more ill-exposed attention to yourself. Every person around you realizes that is not your natural color. Congratulations! You have accomplished your goal of getting the attention of males around you. However, I’m almost positive it’s not the attention you want. I don’t think you washed the dye through your hair thinking, “Man, I really want people to make fun of my unnatural hair color choice and laugh behind my back.” Sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s what’s going on. Maybe even in front of you.

Second, DO NOT sit alone. You never know who will spot you from across the lobby and think “Now THERE is someone who looks lonely and needs some attention. From me.” If you happen to be surprised by an oriental coming to pop-a-squat within 3 feet to either side of you, move. If you don’t, you will be forced into a conversation (in broken english) about where they come from and how their life is so much better now that they are here. We know. We have been here for longer than you. We have had good lives thus far, so spare us your sob story. Another issue with sitting by yourself is if anyone who is not from the continental states spots you, you will be ridiculed behind your back and always remembered as “that fag who has no friends and sits by himself all the time.” I don’t think that is a life goal of anyone.

Finally, DO get in, and get out. Do not hang around there long enough to get sucked in by some school-run organization for teaching non-english speakers english. I have a friend who is in a class with mostly non-english speakers, and the following is an exerpt from a story she told me: “So this girl right? (Right.) She is doing a speech, and can barely speak english right? (I’ll take your word for it.) And she goes ‘So my brother.. He own a Seven-Eleven. I hope to own one myself someday. (A common aspiration) He will also find me boyfriend.’” There’s where it got me. Throughout life, I have been stricken with some poor relationships, but now I understand why. Born sibling-less, I have no sisters to provide the search for a decent girlfriend that I desire. Perhaps that is the answer to all of my life questions. Why do I remain girlfriend-challenged? Why do the Canadiens always beat the Bruins? Why do people bother watching the O’Reilly factor? The answer is simple: because I have no siblings. Watch out philosophers, I just answered all of your questions about life.