Jun 02 2009
Fishing pole? are you serious?
I apologize to all you readers out there for not posting in a while.. I’ve been quite busy between taking classes two days a week and being lazy during the rest. That was a joke, I know no one really reads this shit.
Well, for those of you who read this (so no one) yesterday was my birthday. You probably just read that sentence and said to yourself, Captain Kidney, I’m dying to know what you received for your birthday! Well don’t be. I got a card from my aunt, and at first glance, I was excited to open it, assuming there was a sum of green 20 dollar bills in there, considering I am unemployed and need money to fulfill all my bad habits (just kidding, I dont have any…). I was very disappointed to find a 50 dollar gift card to Sports Authority. Who the fuck goes to that shithole anymore? The last time I went to Sports Authority was when I got lost on the way to Lacrosse Unlimited, a real sports store. But hey, it’s the thought that counts right? Oh wait, no, I desire real things, not gift cards to shitty stores that only get visited by homeless people and 8 year-olds who want their first pair of t-ball cleats. Whatever, maybe I’ll just buy something then sell it on eBay for ten times more than what I bought it for.
So then, I get two cards from my mother and grandparents. Again, I assumed money. We all know what assuming does (for you idiots out there, it makes an Ass(out of)u(and)me.. clever). I got scratch tickets. The 2nd and 3rd ones I had ever thought about scratching, because with limited funds, scratch tickets are the last things I desire to spend my collected quarters on. Anyway, I scratch the first one, some 5-dollar ones my grandparents got me. On the first (of two separate tickets they had given me), I won Five dollars. Ok, started with nothing, came out with five bucks. On the second, I came out more successful, winning ten bucks. Wow, what a day I’m having. Just made fifteen bucks off what I figured were worthless gifts. Then I see my mother’s gift, a “Billion Dollar Winner” ticket. Wow, that just sounds exciting. I scratch my “winning numbers,” none of which were any of my lucky numbers (7, 17, 24 for those of you who care). As I begin scratching my hopeful winners, the first three numbers are, you guessed them, 7, 17, and 24. Could have won ten thousand dollars. Guess not. None of the other numbers I scratched were anywhere to be found under the winners. So much for winning that billion dollars.
A little later, as I’m creeping facebook and searching online for what movie I want to download and watch later on, my mom comes into my room. She gives me a talk about how that wasn’t the only thing she was going to get me, and to let her know what I really desired for my birthday. Then comes the kicker. She says to me, “I was going to get you a fishing pole, but I wasn’t sure what kind to get.” I felt like asking if I really gave off the impression that I wanted to fish 24/7. The only time I will fish is if I have beers with me or I’m on a boat (props to T-pain and The Lonely Island). Other than that, you will not find me dead near a fishing pole, unless it’s someone else’s.
Anyway, I will take this opportunity to tell her that if she does not get me xbox I will probably run away and never come back. PS2 gets old after the 928347982374th game of shitty graphics and an even worse sountrack. Yes, I am poor and can’t afford to get xbox on my own, despite the fact I have requested it for Christmas and my birthday last year. No big deal.
On another note, I watched UP (yes, the new Disney movie), and I have to say, I was impressed. It threw my emotions in a whirlwind, but overall, I am not ashamed to say that I enjoyed it. I recommend it to anyone who can’t find weed to smoke or beers to drink. Well, it’s good to be back, and I’m sure that you readers (if you exist) are glad to hear from me again (on opposite day).
